Dylan the Scrooge (Mad-villain Dylan) brings you this year’s Christmas cheer/winter break zodiac

Aries- Why stay here in this cold, boring town? Take your family on an adventure to somewhere nice and warm. Like the Caribbean or Hawaii would be perfect. You and your family will be the talk of the town. Everyone will be so jealous of the massive sunburns all over your body.

Taurus- Instead of chugging eggnog to forget your problems, you should make a turducken. Even though you have no idea how to make it and will probably burn down half of Seward, it’s worth a try. Worst case scenario, you have a dry, charred, waste of money that you and your family will regret.

Gemini- This break, you should get some matching ugly Christmas onesies with your mom and our editor; she will definitely agree to embarrass herself with you. After you’re done embarrassing yourself, you should go play in the snow and reminisce about the old days.

Cancer- This Christmas, you will make a huge decision, whether or not you wanna just sleep through the break or steal food. You have been elected to be this year’s grinch and will probably not get what you want this Christmas due to the fact that nobody has enough money for your grumpy butt.

Leo- Don’t worry about your probably failing grades; it’s Christmas! Instead of having a panic attack and ruining the break for yourself and everyone around you (no pressure), just pig out and eat. Take advantage of the jolly spirit and cookies. If you don’t come back to school 20 lbs. heavier, then you have failed not only your classes but also life.

Virgo- Instead of constantly cleaning the bottom of your Christmas tree like you usually do, you should make a gingerbread castle and eggnog moat around your castle. Complete with a drawbridge and maybe even a yummy king made of gumdrops… and salt from your tears due to having nothing better to do than spend 10+ hours making a gingerbread kingdom.

Libra- This break, be wary of the amount you spend on yourself and others. You could try shopping with someone who is responsible or set a budget. Instead of your usual fountain diving where you steal all of people’s coins, you should throw a couple on and make a wish. Then wake up and realize all your doing is throwing change into water where someone else will take it and buy their presents with.

Scorpio-This break you should go out and get a coffee and maybe some cocoa. Build a snowman and give him a hat and gloves. Just be careful what hat you put on your snowman, we don’t want another Frosty incident. Appreciate your break from school and use your time wisely.

Sagittarius- This break, instead of being alone and sad because of you have no friends, you should make at least one friend. Now is a time to be festive, so throw on that ugly sweater, make some Christmas cookies, and sing your heart away.

Capricorn- After all the stress of finals and school comes Christmas break, where you get to blissfully hang out. Since, you didn’t give up on your grades, they are good enough to sleep at night without worry; however, knowing your insomnia, you won’t be sleeping anyways.

Aquarius- This winter break, if you’re not wearing an ushanka and some fuzzy slippers, then something is wrong with you. However, if you are, you have won at life, and hopefully there is enough good snow to do winter stuff…you know, be the stereotypical Alaskan.

Pisces- This upcoming break, feel free to finally just relax and take a few nice long naps or make some Christmas cookies! Your creative side will make your cookies look extra special and tasty. Just make sure that you leave some cookies for Santa so you can help fuel his addiction to sweet/fatty foods.