Aries- Hey, you should get a job. You probably have nothing better to do anyway, and you could use the money to buy something cool. If you do end up getting a job, make sure you are still available for your friends and family. Otherwise, you’re gonna hear your starving kids whine about how they haven’t eaten since last week.

Taurus- This week, you should go out and help the community. Whether you pick up trash or volunteer, it doesn’t matter, as long as you help out. Think about the pride and serotonin coursing through your veins. Lastly, everyone knows your volunteering is court ordered; I just thought I’d make it easy for you.

Gemini- Listen, you’re gonna be depressed this week. I’m calling it right now! Anyways, if you feel some sadness coming on, go out with friends (preferably a Virgo) or something to keep your mind off of the depressing realization that nothing you do will matter in the long run, and everyone is wasting short precious time on earth with petty issues. Cheer up, it’s not like we’re tiny compared to the rest of the universe, and from what we know, we are alone floating through space!

Cancer- Today is a good day to take a break from people and regroup. Make sure you get your stuff done, but take a socializing break too. You have been spreading yourself pretty thin lately, and honestly, who wants to hang with a depressed gemini and workaholic aries?

Leo- This week, you should prioritize spending time with friends. Don’t worry about those last few chores; you can do them later. You have been off in your own world for awhile now and need to come back to reality. Just watch out for a gemini because his/her depression will just send you back into your funk.

Virgo- So, I kinda sent a friend of yours to talk to you about his/her depression, and I may or may not have also said some things to make him/her even more depressed (I hope). After dealing with that person,  you’re gonna need a nap, so yeah, that’s gonna be your week.

Libra- You’re gonna have a difficult family crisis towards the end of this week. It shouldn’t be too bad if your whole family can cooperate and put your heads together to figure it out. There should be some minor sacrifices made in order to fix things, though. And that isn’t me telling you to sacrifice an ox.

Scorpio- This is a good week for romance! This week you will end up learning about yourself and your imaginary partner. On the off chance that you do have a partner, then you should spend time with him/her and try to connect. Actually, even if you don’t, I guess you could spend time with your waifu, you dweeb.

Sagittarius- This week, you should take a step back in your life and see what needs to be done and fixed. Whether it’s a relationship or the couch that fell apart again, get it done. If you can’t find anything to do, maybe you should organize yourself and surroundings. Just make sure you’re willing to let go of a constant problem, like a couch that literally won’t stay together.

Capricorn- You’re gonna be super focused this week on whatever it is you want. Knowing you, you will be ready to do almost anything to get that thing you have been wanting. Go for it! Get that certain thing you want and don’t let go. Unless that thing you want is morally wrong, then you should do it, but not tell anyone I said it was a good idea. *Wink*

Aquarius- On the off chance that you have something bothering you, deal with it. Fix said problem so you can go on with your life. It shouldn’t be too hard but might still be annoying or just redundant; however, it needs to be done. Or knowing you, you’ll just ignore it and wait for things to blow over like always.

Pisces- Go out and either wander or exercise, or both! While your getting in shape, maybe you should explore some woods or something. You have the energy and the gear, so now all you need  is a fun space to explore. However, I would not recommend exploring something on someone’s property. Otherwise, the trigger-happy locals may stop your exploration.