The Greatest Chefs of Our Time


Jacob Wendt, Ned Flander's 3rd cousin

                We have seen many geniuses over the years, people of supreme intellect. When you think about them, you’ll normally think of people like Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein or Joji Miller. Sadly, none of these people compare to the four you are going to meet today. These four people are the greatest chefs of all time. AND THEIR NAMES ARE…

Lucas Brockman, the man with the hands.

                Lucas is a tall and very sexy chef with a face of steel. He is known for being the most “handy” man ever. If you need something, he’s got it. He does not have a specialty, but he is still a very knowledgeable man with plenty of skills to support the team. When asked why he and his team are so skilled, he responded, “Because we are men.” (Yes, this is satire; cool your jets!)

Connor Spanos, the man of muscle.

                Anybody who has approached Connor knows that he is an absolute chad. Taking part in many sports, Connor can lift almost anything you need him to. Despite being a container of pure testosterone, this doesn’t make him dense. He knows what to cook and how to do it. He was born to be a chef. When asked what is favorite part of foods class was, he responded with “bonding with the bois.”

Max Pfeiffenberger, the man with a plan.

                 Max is the quietest of the group. Many people often wonder what he is thinking, but deep down, we all know he is plotting to take out every other foods team. Max is especially known for having one of the sickest mullets of all time (rip). If you ever need to find him, just look for one of the only three redheads in the school. When asked what about his favorite dish, he responded with “food”.

Joshua Park, the man of many chopsticks.

                 Finally the last member of the group, Josh is popular for knowing how to cook many unique dishes. Not many people can begin to compare to his absolute skill and knowledge. Josh has the brain power of all his other teammates combined, and once he hits 100% power, he can’t be stopped. When asked why he’s so smart, he responded with “because I’m Asian.”

                These four are the true masterminds of this school. Whenever you enter the foods room and turn to the left, you’ll see some absolute madlads at work. Currently in the iron chef contest, the boys are down by five points with one more round to go. No matter the outcome, in my heart, these are the greatest chefs of all time.