New Year, New You…Maybe?

Mad-Villain Dylan

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The New Year brings great cheer this year. THE Mad-Villain Dylan is back with another week of predictions. Pay close attention to your sign because this week could be a new beginning.

Aries- This week is a great week to fall in love. The way the stars are “lined up” shows that there is a high chance of you finding your true love, but more likely this week will be just like any other, and your “true love” is some amazing pizza.

Taurus- This week you might have to deal with someone you don’t like. Just make sure to keep your cool and not to blow up. However, if you do blow up, just don’t take the first bite. Remember, it isn’t cannibalism if it’s self defense.

Gemini- Well bud, it’s time for you to take a break from people and read, draw, sing, or do something creative and fun. Save some time to think about yourself for a change, and by “me time,” I don’t mean staring at a mirror and becoming a self-absorbed snob.

Cancer- This week you should expand your friend group and take on someone who isn’t like you to change perspectives and see another way of thinking. Walking in someone else’s shoes or seeing another perspective is a good way to stay humble. Trust me, everyone knows you have a hard time remembering you’re not the only person in the universe.

Leo- This week you should hole up either in your bed or somewhere you feel safe. Relax, eat some popcorn, and watch some TV. I mean, who wouldn’t want to basically shut out the world and only stress about if the blanket you brought is still big enough to cover your whole body.

Virgo- I know you’ve been stressed because of all the holidays and being back in school, but you need to take another break. You just got back from a vacation, and you’re already getting gray hairs due to stress. On your next day off, you should take a nice long bath and relax deeper than ever before. Basically, just pretend you’re an old person and have nothing left to do with your life.

Libra- Finally off break and ready to socialize with all the people you so dearly missed? No? Well, me neither; however, at least you get to watch as people do stupid stuff and laugh at them all the while like usual.

Scorpio- This week you should try to put your screens down and live life. Go outside, laugh with family, or read a book. As long as it’s not you stuffing your face in another screen, you should be fine. Only thing screen-related that you should be doing is switching songs every now and then.

Sagittarius- This week you should get everyone together and cook! Use your amazing cooking skills to wow your friends and family with the delicious plate of food you slaved over. Then take pride out of the sounds of weird moans that follow the realization that you absolutely butchered the food. On second thought, maybe you should go ice skating or something instead of “cooking” a “meal” for people.

Capricorn- This week you should pretend it’s spring break and you’re on some beach in California; that means party until you drop. Invite all your friends over and go ham! By the end of this week, you better be exhausted, cranky, sick, and sore from the constant party. If you don’t remember parts of the week, don’t go digging to find out what happened. You probably don’t wanna know what stupid things you did.

Aquarius- You know that one prophecy? Well, it’s happening both three days ago and right now! You are the chosen one, the dragonborn! This week you should avenge your fallen father, unless it turns out the main bad guy is your father…just make sure you get your sweater with a scarlet A and take that scary ring to the giant volcano.

Pisces-  Listen dude, you haven’t slept for more than a couple hours a night ever since break. You need to sleep, so you can recharge your batteries. Tonight, turn off all the electronics, maybe take some sleeping pills, and just lay in your bed. Then just welcome the sweet embrace of unconsciousness you have been longing for. Just hope you don’t have sleep paralysis because that changes things.